Not everyone can develop friendships like Harry, Ron, and Hermione, or the hobbits found in Tolkien's writings (who were part of the epic "The Fellowship of the Ring"). Or the change of Legolas and Gimli's friendship over the course of The Lord of the Rings. Their relationship develops from enemies to friends who then go on their own travels after the fellowship is dismissed. But one thing that they did not have to deal with was the age of technology and social media, making it exponentially more difficult to develop deep friendships that last.

There are a lot of benefits of deep, long-lasting friendships, and social media is a hindrance to these types of friendships. You can rack up a large number of friends, but are those friends really the type of friendships that actually give you any type of benefit besides a larger ego? Is your value really based on the number of friends, likes, and followers you have on the various social media platforms?

WebMD, in the article "Psychological Benefits of Friendship" points out the benefits of friendships. A deep relationship is proven to boost happiness, reduce stress, improve self-confidence and self-worth, ease the emotional impact of trauma, and provide emotional security.

More research done by the Mayo Clinic emphasises that adults with strong social connections have a lower risk of depression, high blood pressure, and unhealthy weight, and that older adults with close friends live longer than peers with fewer social supports.

And the importance of friendships is brought home with research done by Psychology Today, which suggests that "Friendships help us feel seen, valued, and that we truly matter."

But heavy social media use does the opposite; it hinders the building of high-value friendships. Social media expands networks, but doesn't deepen real relationships. Excessive social media use undermines relationship quality by diminishing emotional intimacy, weakening trust, increasing feelings of isolation, and reducing the quality of even close relationships. Sherry Turkey describes this concept as "alone together." Based on hundreds of interviews, she concludes that technology ramps up, our emotional lives ramp down.

So what does it take to develop deep friendships?

Rabiya Karamali EdD, MAPP, in the article "The Power of Friendships and Feeling That We Matter" found in Psychology Today, gives us one recipe for developing solid friendships.

How We Can Strengthen Mattering in Friendship

Mattering in friendship does come from big gestures. It grows from small and steady signs Here are some ways to nurture mattering in friendships:

1. Notice what matters to your friend and return to it. When you remember details someone shared weeks ago—a tough talk, an important meeting, or a family worry—you show that their inner world matters. A simple follow-up shows you care and are paying attention, “I was thinking about what you mentioned last week. How did it go?”
2. Reach out in ordinary moments, not only difficult ones. Support during tough times matters, but so do everyday moments. Sharing a photo, a thought, or a quick message says, “You are part of my life, even when nothing is wrong.” These moments keep friendship from being about problems alone.
3. Name the specific qualities you appreciate. General praise is nice, but specific recognition feels more meaningful. This is nice: “You are such a good friend." However, the following may mean more: “I really appreciated how you listened yesterday without rushing me, which helped more than you know.” When we give specific appreciation, the person feels valued and sees how they make a difference.
4. Communicate trust in who they are, not only what they do. Mattering grows when people feel seen for who they are, not just what they do. A friend knows they are valued for who they are when they hear: “I admire how thoughtful you are with people.” “You bring calm when things feel overwhelming.”
5. Allow care to flow both ways. Sometimes, we stop mutual mattering by always being the helper. Letting a friend support us, too, shows trust and closeness. When care goes both ways, both people feel valued and able to give back.
6. Create small rituals of connection. Regular walks, voice notes, shared meals, or even short weekly check-ins help keep friendships steady. These routines quietly show that our connection matters and has a place in our lives.